Making Friends in College Takes Time. Here’s How to Start.

Making friends in college rarely happens overnight. And that’s OK. Building your college community takes time. Your most meaningful relationships are often created not through extraordinary moments but through ordinary ones that occur over and over again. Show up consistently, stay engaged and give relationships time to grow — you're likely not the only one wondering where you fit in.  

The good news is that most colleges have programs specifically designed to help students meet people and feel connected on campus. Across Bentley’s Wellbeing areas, one of our goals is to help students feel comfortable exploring the community, testing the waters and figuring out where they want to be.  

10 Tips to Build Your College Community 

What’s one of the first steps to making friends? Putting yourself out there. That can feel uncomfortable at first, but here are 10 strategies to make it a little easier and help you build your college community. 

1. Manage expectations for new friendships 

   It takes time to build close friendships, so try to approach the process with patience. You may start slowly, and that’s totally OK –– it doesn't mean you’re doing anything wrong. 

2. Introduce yourself 

   Reach out to your orientation leader or resident assistant, new classmates, club members or teammates. Talk to your resident director in your residence hall or a professor after class or during office hours. They may be able to point out clubs, programs or students with similar interests. Mutual connections can also help you meet others you may not have crossed paths with otherwise. 

3. Prioritize recurring connections 

   Friendship is built through brief moments, not just through deep conversations. So, continue to show up even if you feel uncertain. At Bentley, students can attend an event or meeting sponsored by one of our 125 student organizations, meet someone in the residence hall or attend a hall council program, take a group fitness class or attend an athletic event. The student next to you is also trying to build their community. It is also great to build your own social activities to keep creating moments. These could be weekly meals, grabbing coffee or movie nights. Those small moments help relationships grow. 

4. Know that not everyone will become a best friend 

   Not every person you meet will become your best friend, but every connection has the potential to add something meaningful to your college experience. One assumption many new students make is that their roommate has to become their best friend. While that certainly happens for some people, it isn’t always the case. So, it’s important to keep meeting new people and expanding your circle. Relationships change, interests evolve and the people you spend the most time with may shift overtime.   

5. Listen with curiosity 

   When you’re eager to get to know others — and want to help them get to know you — it’s not uncommon to fall into the trap of “listening to respond,” waiting for your own turn to talk. Instead, listen with curiosity and try to understand someone’s experience, perspective and feelings before you jump in with your own. Bonus tip: Try to remember names and one detail about the people you meet. A simple “How did your exam go?” can make someone feel valued. 

6. Participate in college traditions and events

   Each school has a unique culture and traditions of its own. Become familiar with yours. The Bentley Events Calendar and CampusGroups calendar, for example, are great ways to find on-campus events and connection opportunities. If Instagram is how you find out what is happening, a list of some of my Bentley favorites are shared below.

7. Aim to be present, not perfect 

   As humans, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Remember that you’re not auditioning for your place in someone else’s life. You’re living your own life and deciding who gets a place in it. Do your best to be present and authentic in social settings rather than distracted by attempts to manage everyone else’s thoughts and feelings. 

8. Stay true to yourself  

   Some students arrive at college and feel pressure to try everything. While exploration is an important part of the process, be sure to find people and activities that are meaningful to you and connect with your passions and values. 

9. Be open to change

   Part of the college process is evolving as a student and as a person. As you do that, your interests may change — and your friendships may too. Throughout life, stay open to shifting or widening your circle. 

10. Be resilient

    Just because you may not have been invited to something, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be invited the next time. The more confidence and resilience you build, the easier it will be to recognize that if one friendship doesn’t work out, you can try again with another person. 

A big thing to remember for anyone trying to make friends is to leave space for failure and adjustment. That person next to you who looks like they’re doing everything right? They could be struggling, too.  

You never know where you might find your next friend. But taking that first step and putting yourself out there is one of the best ways to start.