How can we help?
It can be overwhelming to learn a loved one or community member is a survivor of interpersonal violence. You may feel a mix of emotions, like shock, sadness, anger, confusion, or even helplessness. These reactions are natural, but it's important to remember that your response can have a profound impact on their healing journey.
Survivors of trauma have experienced a loss of control over their bodies, choices, and even environments. That's why it's critical to center their autonomy in their healing process. Allowing a survivor to guide what they need helps restore a sense of agency that may have been taken from them. It's also important to recognize that they may not know what they need right away. Your role is not to fix or direct, but to offer a compassionate presence and follow their lead with patience and respect.
After experiencing trauma, individuals can respond in many different ways. Some common reactions include:
- Difficulty concentrating or staying focused
- Feelings of anger, shame, embarrassment, guilt, or self-blame
- Fear of being alone or avoiding reminders of the experience
- Changes in sleep or appetite patterns
- Intrusive thoughts or memories of the event
- Withdrawing from social connections
- Engaging in harmful coping behaviors (such as substance use)
If a friend is showing any of these signs (or other signs of distress), it's important to respond with care and compassion.
When someone shares their experience of sexual assault, dating violence, or stalking, they often turn to a trusted friend first. Your response in that moment can have a powerful impact on their healing journey. Here are a few tips to help guide your conversation using the TALK acronym:
- Thank them for trusting you and acknowledge their courage in opening up to you
- Ask them how you can help and remind them that they are not alone
- Listen without judgment, remembeing that your role is to support rather than investigate
- Keep supporting them by helping them connect with campus or local resources
Supporting someone through trauma can be emotionally challenging. You don't have to carry it alone. Please reach out to one of the many confidential resources for your own support, too.
As community members who interact with students, faculty and staff should be prepared to respond in a caring way to a disclosure to prevent secondary trauma. It's also important to stay aware of your reporting responsibilities (a list can be found in Appendix E on the Title IX webpage). It can be helpful to familiarize yourself with the SILVER acronym:
- Safety is the top priority
- Inform of mandated reporting
- Listen to them
- Validate their experience
- Empower them with choices
- Refer to resources and report
If you receive a disclosure, your role is to provide a supportive presence and connection to longer-term resources. You do not have to manage a student's situation or support them through trauma on your own. If you find yourself in need of additional support, Bentley's Employee Assistance Program is a free and confidential resource available to all employees.
Learning that your student has been hurt or is in pain can be incredibly difficult. Survivors may delay disclosing their experience to you due to feelings of shame or fear of how others might react. If your student chooses to share with you, your response can make a meaningful difference.
- Let them know what what happened is not their fault.
- Avoid pressing for details they are not ready to share or asking questions that could imply blame.
- Offer support while allowing them to make their own decisions about next steps. After experiencing a loss of control, having autonomy is essential to healing.
Some students may seek emotional healing rather than legal justice. That's okay - healing looks different for everyone. If your student decides to speak with a confidential staff member, please understand that staff cannot share information with you unless your student provides written consent. They can, however, explain general processes and available resources.
Supporting a student through this can be emotionally challenging for caregivers, too. You may feel anger, guilt, disbelief, or helplessness. You are not alone. Visit our resources page for local partners, or contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 to be connected with support near you.